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loverofmusic1's Blog


The Fine Art of Procrastination

Yellerz...

I have mastered the fine art of procrastination.
So about my mission to get skinnier, I haven't been to the gym in like, 2 weeks. Maybe more. I've been eating just as much as I always do. I'm currently a size 6/8 in jeans and a size 4/6 in dresses. Ideally, I would like to be a size 4 in jeans. I think that it looks so awkward if a girl is tall and isn't skinny. Not skinny like a plank of wood either, rather, slender. It doesn't look good if I get like skin and bones, but if I were slender and fit, I think that would look much better. 
I wonder if andybody actually reads this...cause then I might come across as shallow. Reference previous post to understand more about what my original mission was. 
I've been working a lot lately and I've also had tons of homework. BUT, I have a BAD case of senioritis. Seriously. I stay up till like 2-3 in the morning, but it's not cause I'm being a diligent student, rather, it's cause I'm watching movies or shows on my laptop. I know that I have homework to work on but I always seem to talk myself into finding time during school to work on it, like before class or during an elective. Sometimes, I know that I have an essay to work on but I can't bring myself to start on it. When I do it later, it only takes me a couple minutes and I think back to myself, why didn't I do this earlier? Truth is, I know that I have a series of short response questions for Spanish and it was due last week and I watched the first season, second episode of Hannibal last night (Very interesting). 
Maybe that's the problem. The things that I do instead of doing my homework are much more interesting. I know that I shouldn't think this way, but I can't think of anything less that I would want to do besides homework. 
Personally, I think it's cause i'm too excited for my future and going off to college. High school feels so boring and uninteresting right now and I hate waking up in the morning, going to school for 6-9 hours a day and then going to work/home, eating dinner, sleep.
but no excuses. I'll start being diligent...

Tommorrow

~Fifi

My Mission

College starts in 5 months. I have to be sexy in 5 months. This means, hitting the gym, dieting and following a skin care regime. I want to be at my best when I enter college. I'm growing out my hair, I've been going to the gym, washing my face BEFORE going to bed, eating somewhat healthy and trying to get more sleep. Reading up on some blogs about college and the experience of others, it seems that many of them wish that they had tried to interact other students and had taken better care of themselves. On that note, I think that it's best that I start early so that I don't have to cram everything into the last month or whatever...and it's better to make this a habit...right? Maybe I'm going about this too superficially. Maybe I should go in as I am and see what I get. 
There's the saying, those who matter don't care and those who care don't matter. Thing is, I care. Not necessarily about what others think about me, but what I think about myself. I think I'm pretty healthy, but I could lose a couple pounds. I want to feel confident and sexy on the first day of school.
Thing is...going to the gym is hard. It's hard to find the best workout for me. Some of the abb exercises are mad hard. The leg and butt ones aren't too bad. By the end of this summer, my butt is going to be on point, my abbs will be fierce and overall, I'll be in excellent shape. That will be one thing that I won't have to worry about in college as I would have already made it a habit. Eating healthy and exercise for better health and comfort. And there's that bonus of looking fit and sexy in a swimsuit or at the parties. Of course, there's studying too. hehe. 
Now, I have to make sure I go to the gym tomorrow to get this started. I'm on spring break and I've spent the majority of my time in my room...total shame.
Till next time,

~Fifi

Ugly day

Today, nothing happened. I felt really ugly today. My hair was a mess and I wore an oversized sweatshirt with plain jeans. Glasses on. ahhh I'm gonna try tomorrow to dress up for school. And seriously, what is with this weather? It was freezing yesterday, in the mid 50's today and we're gonna get 3 inches of snow tomorrow. This is seriously ridiculous! Interview for scholarship tomorrow. Wish me luck!

~Fifi

Ugly day

Today, nothing happened. I felt really ugly today. My hair was a mess and I wore an oversized sweatshirt with plain jeans. Glasses on. ahhh I'm gonna try tomorrow to dress up for school. And seriously, what is with this weather? It was freezing yesterday, in the mid 50's today and we're gonna get 3 inches of snow tomorrow. This is seriously ridiculous! Interview for scholarship tomorrow. Wish me luck!

~Fifi

BAD Day

My co-worker is a douche. I'm 17 years old and he is in his mid-20's. How can he be so immature as to pick on me? I work at the Gap Outlet and my co-worker is a sales associate just like me. Recently, I began to notice that he would ask me to come to the fitting rooms more often to get go-backs (tedious work) more often than others and he was always polite, but in that mean way that he has perfected. Almost too polite and I would always be nice and try to keep any attitude from my response. Today, he complained to the manager that I was taking a 20 minute break instead of a 15. I had only taken a 15 but I only told the manager and didn't announce it over the radio. Even if I had taken a 20, as in the unwritten co-worker code, he shouldnt have ratted me out because he's taken lots of 25's instead of 15's and no one has said anything. A friend of mine told me when he told the manager and I went to confront him a little while later, after i had cooled down. 
I asked him if he disliked me or had a problem with me, but he denied having such feelings and said he didnt even know me. On that note, i left feeling like maybe we had made progress. Later on, after we had closed and cleaning up the store, i noticed that he would make comments towards me and some of the other co-workers would laugh. i left feeling pretty angry. 
I did not expect a work environment to be like this. Up until this point, I never had a problem working here or anywhere else. Why is a grown twenty something year old man picking on a 17 year old girl? Shouldn't work be better than this? And it's not like i can complain about this to managers. He has been working at the Gap waaay longer than I have and therefore has a closer relationship with them than i do. 
I dont want to quit either because despite him, most of my other co-workers are pretty cool. I'm just annoyed that i have to deal with this at work. Seriously, at work of all places! 
Tomorrow, i have two tests. AP Stats and AP American govt. Somebody shoot me. 

~Fifi

A lot has changed...

It's been over a year since i have last written anything. In that year, so much has changed. Reading my last blog entries, i should've seen it coming. sigh...so, an update. My bestfriend and i are now EX-bestfriends. She and our mutual friend are still friends but i am no longer friends with them. Over the summer, we didn't hang out and they hid secrets from me and when i confronted her, she told me nothing and said she didnt want to talk about it. On that note, i promptly stopped speaking with her. I've made closer relationships with friends that i have had for a long time but never given a chance to get truly close. It has still been  a great year and all, but it is awkward to see them still laughing with eachother. I think i feel a bit jealous and i cant help it. But some are only there for a season and its sad to think that she was one of them. 
I've also done quite a bit of growin up. I got accepted into the University of Illinois @ Urbana-Champaign and will begin attending in the fall. I have to fill out tons of scholarships so that I wont be up to my neck in debt when i graduate. I've already received some. OMG as i am writing this, i cant help but think that my EX-bestfriend and i talked about going through this process together and now i'm going through this with others. Our talks of the future...poof. Its really scary to think that you can lose those that you once cared about so easily...over nothing. Should we ever make up, i dont think that we could be like we used to. It would be too uncomfortable. 
Ahhh either way, with or without me, life will go on and so it is time to stop dwelling on the past and appreciate the friends that are with me now and are staying by my side. My time with her was fun while it lasted, but it seems that it has run its course. 
Oh, and that mutual friend is still as annoying as ever. I just have to wait 2 more months and I AM OUT OF HERE. And i hope that college is what it's cracked up to be. 

~Fifi

We're Fine Now

We've talked things through and we're fine now. I fee a lot happier not having to avoid somebody whom i call a friend. Hmmm, i still haven't forgotten about what happened, but in a way, it made us closer when she understood my feelings towards the situation. 
it's been an amazing day 'cause i have my best friend back!! (:
Ha, this entry is really short, cause i've got nothing to complain about.
Except the semester finals starting tomorrow..yeah, except that -____________-
I have to start studying so i bid you goodbye (;
~Fifi

We're Working Things Out

My best friend and i that is. Although she fudged up recently, i've decided to forgive her, because there will be times when i will majorly mess something up and it'll be up to her to forgive me. I can't continue pretending that i dont know her, it feels wrong. I also am no longer angry, but hurt. We started talking again. That's a good thing. We're trying to figure out where to go from here. I think were going to be just fine. Every relationship will face obstacles and it's up to us or not to choose how we deal with them. I'm going to choose to forgive. Of course i wont forget. That'd be stupid. I've learned from the situation. 
I got to expand on other relationships as a result of our friendship break, so it wasnt all bad. 
I'm a bit curious to see how things'll work out. 
Thanks for reading my blog. Not very interesting, but i wanted, in some form, to open up and this is how i've choose to do so. It's more interesting. 
I feel change in the air
~Fifi

My Day And My To-Be Week

I feel extremely sad right now. i think that i'm going to use this blog the same way that others use a diary. It's a nice de-stresser. I wish that people would be upfront with their feelings. Not going around, being shady. especially those who should be closest to you and have your back...like family.
Before all this B.S., today was a great day!
I woke up at 12:00pm and went driving.. Just cause. 
And then came home and ate and watched t.v. 
Then of course i found out about some sneakiness that's been going around.
I confronted the person.
Now i feel sad...since the anger has faded, i feel sad that the people that i should be able to trust would behave in such a manner to me. 
Tomorrow's Monday....and my BFF still arent talking. great.. 
Final's is this week? Also great.
I really...really...really...cant wait for this week to be over.

But, i need to expand my circle of close friends and also find ways to become more busy. I think i'd drive myself crazy if i just come home and think about how my day went.   And yes i purposefully didnt write what happened between us, that'll be in my memory and there should be a certain amount of privacy reserved for family..even if they dont give the same courtesy back. Im not going to put them on blast like that. 

Hopefully, this week will turn out better that im thinking it will.

~Fifi

My Best-Friend Never Takes My Side...Ever

My bestfriend and i have been friends since the 8th grade and now we're both in the 11th grade. We both have another mutual friend who we are both close to as well. We were recently given a project in school and we had to work in a group. Naturally, we all looked to one another as in "duhh". We agreed to work at the house of our mutual friend and her mom came to pick us up after school. When we arrived at her house, i realized that i had forgotten the binder filled with the planning that we had done in class at my locker. She asked her mom if she could take us back to school and her mother who was pregnant, didn't look like she was up to it so i suggested that we just drive ourselves down to school. We are all legally able to drive so no worries there. Our mutual friend was very nervous and i offered to drive, but she didn't want anyone else driving but herself. Since she was nervous about parking right in front of the school, she parked about 3 blocks away from it and asked me to hurry up to the school to retrieve the binder. Of course i can't blame her for this because i was the one who left the binder at my locker. It's freezing cold in Illinois right now and the wind was blowing directly at me. I ran to my locker and retrieved the binder and ran towards the car. When i entered, i cracked the joke, "man, you could've parked a little closer. Its freezing outside!" and smiled. She then looked at me, and said "Well i went above and beyond for you and drove us back to school so just appreciate it." I felt hurt that she would say that and in the tone that she did too. i then told her that if it were her that left the binder at school, and i had to drive her to come get it, i wouldn't say those hurtful things and she rolled her eyes and mumbled somethings under her breath. I felt hurt that she had disregarded my feelings and meanwhile, my bestfriend sat mute next to me. After this, i withdrew and became noticeably quieter. She then proceeded to act like nothing was wrong and continued to talk to my bestfriend and they laughed on without me. When we arrived at her house again, i felt awkward and unwanted but i stuck it out because my grade was riding on the project. I had to leave a bit earlier cause my dad came to pick me up. The next day at school, my bestfriend avoided me and didn't talk to me. I felt hurt. She and i had no conflict, so why was she talking to out mutual friend and not to me? I then began to avoid her as well. when we had to present the project to the class it was she and her on one side, and i on the other. I felt extremely betrayed. She choose her and stopped talking to me even though nothing had happened between us. Our mutual friend still acts as though nothing happened between us and my bestfriend and i still currently aren't speaking. I have loads of other friends, it's just that it takes me a long time to really open up and show all the sides of me. I'm really cheerful and nice and funny with other people but i dont really open up to them. This isn't the first time that it has happened either and so i feel at loss as to how i feel about our friendship. Is this how all bestfriends are? The bad and the good? Should i forget about the relationship? We currently haven't been talking for 3 days now and it's extremely awkward between us. I'm tired.

1-10 of 10 Blogs   

Previous Posts
The Fine Art of Procrastination, posted April 14th, 2014
My Mission, posted March 27th, 2014
Ugly day, posted March 10th, 2014
Ugly day, posted March 10th, 2014
BAD Day, posted March 9th, 2014
A lot has changed..., posted March 8th, 2014
We're Fine Now, posted January 15th, 2013
We're Working Things Out, posted January 14th, 2013
My Day And My To-Be Week, posted January 13th, 2013
My Best-Friend Never Takes My Side...Ever, posted January 9th, 2013

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